


Green Eggs and Silmarils

by Zdenka



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: B2MeM 2014, Gen, Humor, Illustration, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 16:24:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1394323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zdenka/pseuds/Zdenka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A silly retelling of the Silmarillion in the style of Dr. Seuss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Green Eggs and Silmarils

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when people encourage me to do silly things. Inspired by a comment left by with_rainfall on the B2MeM LiveJournal community. This may work better if you imagine all the characters as strange Dr. Seuss creatures.
> 
> The delightful illustration is by [avanti_90](http://archiveofourown.org/users/avanti_90).
> 
> With apologies to the Professor.

Fëanor:  
Fëanor. I’m Fëanor.  
More skilled than any Elf before.  
These are my sons: one, two, three, four,  
five, six, and seven – maybe more!

Nerdanel:  
NO. We stop at seven, Fëanor.

Fëanor:  
I made these gems: one, two, and three.  
They are the best. Don’t you agree?

Melkor:  
Fëanor! I came to talk.

Fëanor:  
Go away. The door is locked.

Melkor:  
May I see a Silmaril?  
I happen to have time to kill –

Fëanor:  
You may not hold a shiny gem.  
You may not even look at them.  
I do not want you at my door.

Melkor:  
You’ll be sorry, Fëanor.

Valar:  
Can we have your jewels, please?  
We need to fix our dying Trees.

Fëanor:  
I will not give them for the Trees,  
not even if you say “oh please.”  
You cannot have them here or there.  
You cannot have them anywhere.

Valar:  
Fëanor, why can’t you share?

Mandos:  
So it is Doomed.

Fëanor:  
I do not care.

Melkor:  
I steal your gems! I kill your dad!

Fëanor:  
NOW YOU’VE MADE ME REALLY MAD.  
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM HERE OR THERE.  
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM ANYWHERE.  
THOSE GEMS ARE MINE: ONE, TWO, AND THREE.  
I'LL GET THEM BACK. JUST WAIT AND SEE.

Elves:  
Can we have them in a town?  
Can we put them in a crown?  
Can we keep them on a flet?  
Or set them in a carcanet?

Fëanor:  
You cannot have them in a town.  
You cannot put them in a crown.  
You cannot keep them on a flet  
or set them in a carcanet.  
You cannot have them here or there.  
You cannot have them anywhere.

Beren:  
Can I have them with a king?  
Can I have them with a ring?

Lúthien:  
Can I have them with a cat?  
Can I have them as a bat?

Fëanor:  
You cannot have them with a king.  
You cannot have them with a ring.  
You cannot have them with a cat.  
You cannot have them as a bat.  
You cannot have them here or there.  
You cannot have them anywhere.

Eärendil:  
Say! With a bird!  
Can I have one with a bird?  
The Silmaril is on my boat,  
my boat whose name is Vingilot.

Fëanor:  
You cannot have one with a bird!  
You cannot have them on a boat.  
I hope your boat will never float.  
You cannot have them near or far.  
You cannot have them as a star.  
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM HERE OR THERE.  
YOU CANNOT HAVE THEM ANYWHERE.

Valar:  
Námo, please take him away.  
We’ll try again some other day.

(The End)


End file.
